The homecoming

And so, I’m home. Back where it all started, where I first had the crazy idea to walk from Land’s End to John O’Groats on my own with everything I needed on my back. Back then it seemed like some bonkers pipe dream, a “wouldn’t-it-be-amazing-but-it-will-never-really-happen” type dream. But some invisible breeze fanned those embers, that little spark of a dream, into something bigger. Once upon a time I would have dismissed the idea as impossible, impractical, selfish, irresponsible, foolhardy, but something this time made me stand up and say “I can do this. I WILL do this!”

Writing it like that all sounds very grand and considered but in fact it was ridiculously simple when it came down to it. I knew I wanted to do something. I looked into several options but nothing seemed right. Then suddenly, there it was, Land’s End to John O’Groats. The entire length of Great Britain on foot. Just me. It clicked. Nothing else would do. It was so right that although I checked in briefly with a couple of my closest friends to check I hadn’t gone (completely) crazy, the decision was made. I immediately told everyone that was what I was doing, partly so I couldn’t back out (once the inevitable self-doubt and guilt factor kicked in) but also because I was so EXCITED by it. Yes it was big, yes it was sometimes stressful, but it was RIGHT. I only had to talk about my plans with someone to know I was doing exactly the right thing, I was in alignment, in flow, being true to myself, whatever you would call it.

Looking back now, I almost can’t remember some of the hard bits. The times I was getting stressed trying to plan supply drops, working out what I’d need at each stage, where I’d be sleeping, how on earth I’d promote my fundraising. They all seem like they were in another life, softened by the haze of time and joy. Even the harder days of the actual walk itself seem gentler around the edges, either being melted away by the laughter brought by the stories they created or imparting a huge sense of pride and strength from having survived them. I’m so grateful for my blog (and to you, my readers, for giving me the cause and the discipline to write it!) which I can dip back into and remember how I felt on a particular day, how at times it was tough and it times it was pure joy. Thankfully far more of the latter than the former. It is also quite reassuring to read when I need to convince myself it really did happen!

It is strange to be home. I thought, and was worried, that it might feel like I had never been away. But while some things don’t change, I have. It’s early days yet, and I’m contending with a massive energy slump (I have to keep reminding myself that having walked 1,400 miles carrying a pack weighing up to half my body weight, it is not unreasonable to feel a little tired for a while!), but I know that life is not going to be the same. It’s taking a little adjustment – it’s not easy to go from walking daily for hours on end in relative solitude, immersed in nature, through stunning countryside, to being back in one place (a noisy, crowded town at that), surrounded by people, sounds and smells that all make their overwhelming assault on my senses.

The first thing that struck me when I walked home from the train station was the air quality – or rather the lack of it. The air here is thick with fumes and cigarette smoke that I never really noticed before. Now it makes me want to cough with every inhalation and I’m scared to breathe too deeply. I miss the clean air of the hills! Thankfully I’m blessed that at home we have a garden that in turn backs onto a park. I love the garden. The first thing I did when I got home, rather than do some much-needed sorting out of my kit in the house, was to come straight outside and tidy the garden instead! I spent a couple of hours in the lovely afternoon sun tidying the autumn leaves and clearing the weeds that had taken over in my absence. At home it is the place I am happiest. Alas at first even in the garden the surrounding noises were overwhelming. I could sit outside and gaze at the trees, but I tried to block out the sounds of cars growling and motorbikes backfiring, the neighbour’s loud music or screaming children. Even the sound of children happily playing in the park felt like an added sensory challenge. But at least there were leaves, and birds, and plants and sky.

I had high hopes of taking myself off to the hills for a walk (or even just a sit) regularly once I got home. That hasn’t quite happened yet, as in addition to the one rather crucial issue of not having a car at the moment, I have felt too tired, which has been frustrating. My body just doesn’t want to do it! I feel exhausted, more so than I felt the entire time I was walking. My knees have finally decided to express their displeasure at the strain I put them through (I’m very glad they at least waited until now), my entire body is stiff and aching and I have had a near-permanent headache. I arrived home on a wave of excitement and energy, ready to get straight into doing everything, but now my body is saying no. It needs to properly rest. But I’m getting used to the idea now that I do just need to rest for a bit. The hills will be there when my body is ready again. And despite feeling pretty yucky part of me is glad. Because by being forced to stop, to rest, I am also being given time to process what I have achieved. Emotionally too, I need to be gentle with myself, and let the enormity of what I have done sink in.

Aches and pains and overwhelm aside, there are many wonderful things about being back at home. Like my housemate bringing me a cup of tea in the morning, cuddles with the cats and curling up on the sofa with a blanket knowing I don’t need to plan tomorrow’s walk. My iPad! My fluffy slippers and dressing gown and my Arbonne genius pads. Long soaks in a candlelit bath. My favourite pair of turquoise hareem trousers. My notebooks. A fridge full of food! There have also been moments in the first couple of days that made me smile wryly as they highlighted the difference between the life I’ve been living for the last few months and “normal” life. Like waking up on the first day of being back and having to decide what clothes to wear! Since July the only decision in that respect has been “which t-shirt is the cleanest?!” or perhaps “is it cold enough for my long-sleeve today?” And then, breakfast – so much choice! It’s crazy how difficult it can be to make a decision when faced with so many options, even for something as simple as what to eat. Part of me was tempted to avoid the decision and dig out my last dehydrated porridge sachet from my bag…(which, incidentally, I still haven’t fully unpacked!). I’m trying to wean myself (more or less) off sugar now I’m back, as I practically lived on it while I was walking. In fact, I’m more generally trying to wean myself off stuffing my face at every opportunity! It is strange to go from needing to eat anything and everything I could get my hands on to having more choice, more control (and more restraint!). I was SO excited to go to the supermarket and buy lots of healthy, wholesome food to cook. For a week and a half I was ravenously hungry the whole time. I wasn’t sure whether it was real hunger, habit or greed, but thankfully my appetite seems to have abated a little now. I’m quite surprised that I’ve actually found it easier than I expected to cut down on the sugary, calorific treats I had become accustomed to. I guess my body knows now that it doesn’t need it, and is instead craving nutritious and nourishing food. It’s clever how our bodies know what they need. Sometimes we just need to listen to them a little more closely…!

So where do I go from here? Well, I’m pleased to say there are exciting times ahead! I’ll share more detail about what that involves soon, but let’s just say that I’m working on ways of sharing the experience of my journey with as many other people as possible. And I mean the whole journey, not just the physical 1,400 miles of the last few months. This whole journey I’ve been on over the last few years. And I am SUPER excited! Watch this space for more news on that front soon.

As always, much love xx