Warning – deeper than usual!
I’ve thought a little while before posting this particular update as it is a little deeper and more personal than the majority of updates will be. I’m quickly realising however that there is more to this walk, and this blog, than just a blow-by-blow update of day to day geographical progress. This adventure is rapidly becoming more than just a walk for me and it felt worthwhile to share my journey ‘warts and all’…
With just under three weeks to go now, a lot of planning is falling into place (albeit with lots still to do) and the prospect of what I’ve taken on is becoming rather more real by the day. I’ve always known that this walk was going to be tough physically – that’s one of the reasons I’m doing it! I also knew that it would be tough mentally at times, but I have to admit I wasn’t quite expecting some of that toughness to arrive before I’d even started walking!
This walk is big. In every way. The distance, the duration, the terrain, the British weather, the inevitable weight of my backpack. All that – I’m on it. But the amount of planning involved, the logistics and – the inspiration for this particular post – the amount of help I need, is also huge, and at times threatens to turn into a big scary monster!
I’m walking this route solo (with the exception of a few nearly-as-mad and/or incredibly supportive friends who are joining me for a few sections), as that is something I specifically wanted to do. So it will probably sound silly but it has struck me, particularly in the last couple of days, that I am going to be on my own a lot during this walk. Of course I always knew that, but it has really started to sink in and it has hit me surprisingly hard! More often than not there won’t be someone there beside me to give me a hug, to cheer me on when I want to give up or to help me get out of sticky situations (don’t worry mum, only safe sticky situations!). There’ll be numerous times when I’m going to have to dig deep and find that strength in myself – little old me and my ridiculously tiny shoulders! And I have to admit, that scares me a little! Blisters, aches and pains, tiredness, wind, rain – I’m not afraid of them (not exactly looking forward to them(!), but I don’t fear them). But feeling lonely when things get tough, that will be the really hard bit.
I’ve been reflecting on that with Carrie, my wonderful counsellor, coach and sounding board, and am working on viewing it through a different lens. It’s helping me face and appreciate something which I always ‘knew’ but I guess didn’t really fully understand, feel or embrace. In life, ultimately we are on our own. Nobody else can change the way we think, feel or experience our lives. Nobody else can live our life, nobody else can ‘save’ us, nobody else can make us happy. (For avoidance of doubt, I’m not saying that we can’t find happiness with other people, or that other people can’t help us at all, just that we can’t place reliance for our happiness and survival solely on another person). And here I am about to throw myself right into the deep end on that front, and do you know what? It’s pretty damn scary! But…there’s a massive learn there. It will teach me one of the biggest skills and qualities I think we all need in life – resilience. I’ve always thought of myself as being quite resilient. Yes I crash from time to time, sometimes more spectacularly than others, but I always bounce back, usually with the help of other people. But this journey is really going to test, and I hope strengthen, that resilience on a whole new level.
This may all sound a bit depressing and scary, but there’s a cheerier lesson here too. Yes, I’m going to be out there on my own, but I’m not alone. I have an amazing network of incredible people supporting me, in so many different ways. Right from you reading this blog, to every person who sponsors me or sends me messages of support, to my amazing dearest friends (too many to list here!), to Aurelie, Liz and Eunice for helping me move house in the middle of all this, to Carrie, the angel I already mentioned, to Ken for lending me his spare car because mine got written off, to Pippa, my magical osteopath who’s helping me get my muscles and joints in shape for the physical toll ahead, to my kinesiologist Amanda for her uncanny awareness and spiritual guidance, to my dear friend and housemate Eunice for her serenity, advice and for heading up operation fatten-up-Jen, to mum who always believes in me and gave me wings, and dad for his enthusiasm, knowledge and support, to my ex-colleagues who have kept in touch and wish me well, to my beautiful Arbonne clients who support my business and who trusted me to help them, to my amazing sidelines who support me in so many ways not only in my business but in life in general, to the amazing people I barely know who are helping me find accommodation along my route and to the wonderful people who I don’t know at all yet have offered me a place to stay. I’m sure I must have forgotten some people, but the point is, I’m never alone. The challenge I face is that I’m not always very good at asking for help! But I’m learning. And I need to keep learning very quickly, because the ability and willingness to ask for help when I need it could be the difference between me finishing this walk and not.
So where am I going with all this, other than a big THANK YOU to everybody who has helped or is helping, in any way? I guess it’s this: You have to live your life, find your happy, find your peace. Nobody can do it for you, however, people can do it with you. You may need to ask – we are all so wrapped up in our own busy lives we sadly often don’t realise when someone close to us needs help – but there will be someone there. It might not always be the person you expected or hoped for, but there’ll be someone. A wise mentor once said to me “the best thing you can do for a friend is to lean on them” and I often reflect on that. I’d like to think my friends would lean on me if they needed to.
Of course there is the equal and opposite part to this equation. I challenge you, look up every once in a while and check whether anybody around you needs help. Sometimes we are scared to try to help because we fear that we cannot do very much. But help doesn’t always need to be a big gesture. It could be as simple as a smile, a hello, a silly photo, but it could make the difference. John O’Leary (if you haven’t read his book “On Fire” – I highly recommend you do!) often refers to the question “What more can I do?”. Well, we can all do a little more, and a lot of ‘a little mores’ can, and will, make a massive difference.
I hope that this post has resonated with you in some way. If it has, I ask you do something with it. Whether that’s to offer help to someone, or to ask for help for yourself, or even just to share this post itself, it would mean a lot, to me, to them, to you.
Thank you for reading. Go shine your light!
Much love,
Jen xx
Ps next blog will be a little more light-hearted and walk-related, promise! 😉
